As I start my journey in Motherhood, I have this consistent feeling of excitement and worry. There are many who share their experiences and knowledge of what’s good and what’s bad, and what to do and what to expect. Meaning, before I started my pregnancy journey, I had to overcome the worry of judgement, and come to the understanding that all experiences in pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenthood will never “all be the same”.
Nevertheless, inevitably, if I had to describe myself in one word, it would be “over thinker”, and because of that, when I found out I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with tons of emotions and scared of all the judgement that was coming my way. First I felt nervousness, then excitement, which, unavoidably was followed with the overwhelming feelings of fear. Despite understanding all experiences will be different, I was thinking about other things, such as family, health, and my job.
During that time of my life, there was a lot going on in my life, and as well as my partners’ life. We agreed to keep it a secret until we settled into our new life situations, and as well, once the first trimester was over. However, at this time, my partner and I were living with my parents, and well,… I had morning sickness, and I can only fake being sick for so long, and I know my family would get suspicious if my sickness lasted that long. So, when 2 weeks had passed of me being sick all day and all night, my partner and I decided, we had to tell my family, and when we did, it brought up many other expected and unexpected topics of focus.
However, that is a story for another time.
Eventually when everyone important to me and my partner were informed of the pregnancy, it brought on a lot of support, but also some questionable situations. While being pregnant, it had unexpectedly opened up my eyes to a whole new perspective in life, and also displayed how others see me and the impact I had in their lives. It had made me realize how lucky I am, and how much I undermine all the work I have put in to be this happy in my everyday life. Being pregnant had emphasized many good and bad parts of my life that I had overlooked, and also reinforced my confidence and fear that I never knew I had.
Similar to pregnancy, my postpartum journey has brought out many good and bad (or worse) parts that I thought I understood, but then I experienced it myself, and realize how immature I really was when listening to other parents’ thoughts and stories. As I wrote above, I understand all journeys will never be “all the same”, however, when I experience some things first handed, I am actively going through the same emotions and pain, but at the same time, I can’t even compare it to how everyone else feels, because I feel, even if the situation may seem the same, it isn’t. Each living factor greatly personalizes every moment, and I hope that even if it does, we can all still find a common ground to relate on, and be comfortable to share our experiences because sometimes it is nicer to hear that others are going through something similar to what we are all going through.